Last night, I made a phone call to my parents back in China. It has been two weeks since our last quarrel over the phone. The guilt and depression still occupy my mind and spread over through my trembling voice.
The quarrel started when I tried to communicate with them about my future plan. I approached them with hope to have them giving advice to for my decision about my next two years in the college. I have been puzzled and hesitated for a long time about making the final decision from numerous options: exchange or internship, further study or work. I personally want to go for exchange which would surely be a lot of fun and a memorable time in my university life. For my path after graduation, I am vague about what fields and areas I should pick up for further study on a master degree. However, it somehow contradicts to my parents’ expectation from me. They are not intrigued by the idea of spending half a year exposing to a totally different life style. It is just some optional and luxurious entertainment for university life. They prefer me to taking an internship instead in order to gain some working experience for finding a job after graduation. They are really pragmatic in planning my life. Internship, graduation with honors, master degree in financial industry and find a job in an investment bank, they have paved my life path for even next ten years. They seem to know my future better than me. I am not that mad about their planning and I surely understand their intention since I have ever tried to motivate myself along this path. However, it does not trigger the passion inside me and make me feel the happiness and satisfaction as much as I expect. The tricking thing is that I have no idea what I enjoy doing and what I am passionate about. It makes me depressed when my parents convince me to follow their advice.
I try to defuse this dilemma by following the first step in their plan which is to take an internship as what they advised. I try to treat it as a chance for me to get different exposures. Therefore I can judge from my experience to conclude whether this career path suits me a lot. It is surely beneficial but I have to sacrifice the chance of immersing in a foreign culture. To make this up, I will try to spend my vocational time on short-term overseas programs and trips. I will try to convince my parents that I will be responsible for my own choice and I will not regret for any decision I am making now. There is no reason for me to bother myself with something I am not fully controlling. Even though I am still vague about what is coming around, I am pretty sure it would turn up to be something surprising only I am embarking on it.
I am sure it is pretty common for you to have similar experience or struggles. I confess it would be great luck for you if you know what you are passionate about. Then it is just a question about how to achieve it. But unfortunately, I am not one of them and probably I have to spend the rest of my lifetime to seek for it. Therefore I am curious about you, my readers, do you have anything that you are passionate about and willing to work as a career? Furthermore, what do you really value at current life stage, happiness or satisfaction gained from overperforming your peers? To elaborate the latter question, I mean we are mostly motivated by the peer pressure instead of our own interest and agenda. We are forcing to strive for something which is honored and valued by the public and we are evaluating and judging ourselves with external criteria like success in career and social status. Is it really what you want and mark for your life? I just doubt and hope to hear from your behalf.
Hi Neil!
ReplyDeleteShall try my best to answer some of the questions you posed.
1) Do you have anything that you are passionate about and willing to work as a career?
My answer would be a half yes. I'm passionate about statistics, which is what I'm currently studying. As for a career, I'm not quite sure yet but I do have a shortlist.
2) What do you really value at current life stage, happiness or satisfaction gained from overperforming your peers?
Well, this might sound politically-correct, but I really think there's no point comparing yourself excessively with your peers. What I would do is to try my best in everything I do, and live life with no regrets. That's happiness to me.
Your dilemma between an internship and an overseas exchange has led me to an idea - doing an internship overseas. Is that a win-win solution? If not, you could do an internship first, then convince your parents to allow you to go overseas for an exchange. After all, these two events are not complementary.
Finally, I hope you can find where your passion lies as soon as possible! Cheers!
I agree with yong feng that doing an internship overseas is a good idea.
ReplyDeleteRegarding your conflict with parents, I think your parents and you have the same expectation fo you which is to live a happy life. Since the objectives are alligned, I beleive this conflict can be resolved as long as you communicate with them properly.
Maybe you can ask for some testimonials from those SEP returnee to show your parents that SEP would not be a waste of time as they have assumed.
Yes, I think Lin Nan has pointed out a very good suggestion, that is, to get the testimonials of those who have returned from SEP. I second that too.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Neil, for sharing this description of a very personal dilemma. I can feel the tension by the clarity of your portrayal. Clearly, you and your parents have different expectations, and those differences are now palpable in your conflict.
ReplyDeleteThe only issue I have with this description is that you don't focus your readers' attention on a specific problem that they can help you solve. What you do is pose multiple questions, and those are quite general.
That may be a reason your feedback is sparse.
I also have a few language problems I'd like you to consider:
a) to have them giving advice >>> ?
b) contradicts to my parents’ expectation >>> ?
c) the idea of spending half a year exposing >>> the idea of me spending half a year exposed
d) The tricking thing >>> ?
I really appreciate your hard work!
Correction of the language problems:
ReplyDeletea) to have them give advice
b) contradictory to my parents' expectation
c) the idea of my spending half a year exposed (alternative)
d) The tricky thing (still sounds quite informal any way)
To yong feng,
ReplyDeleteYou are really a stats guy. I still envy you love your major not like me. I know there is no significance to compare with others but I still cannot ignore that. My mindset is really about competition and satisfaction from it.
To Lin Nan,
ReplyDeleteThanks for your advice, I rally appreciate that but it is sometimes difficult to change their perception based on traditional value system. Like everybody knows the importance of happiness, but seldom people would have the courage to pursue for it without considering consequence. Life makes us to choose and we choose the reality and follow the ordinary path.